Yo dont text me then not text me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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