Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
