My hair reeks of homosexuality.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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