i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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