Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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