yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
