i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
