We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
