I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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