i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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