You're my little dorito
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
