So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I could fuck to npr.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
