I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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