we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
