OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
