I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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