yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
