pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
