Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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