areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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