States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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