My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
