I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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