i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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