why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
