umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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