well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
