was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
