I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
