Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
