Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Everything about him screamed your future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
