there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
