she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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