I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
