why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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