But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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