no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
