I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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