when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
