I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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