Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
