i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
