I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
