how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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