He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
