I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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