I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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