dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
cat food counts as protein by the way
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
