Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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