farters have to be the big spoon...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
