I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
