I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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