We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
