Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
