Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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