Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
we should paint friendship bongs
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