Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
