after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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