I heard we made out
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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