I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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