Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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