I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
how does that bad decision feel?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
