Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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