If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
