it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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