now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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